He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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