I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
