The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
