first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
