OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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