i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
