just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
