No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
