I hate all girls vehemently.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So squirting runs in the family.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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