A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
