I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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