on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
