I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize