Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
