Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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