what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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