he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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