before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
