hotel room ftw
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
