Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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