I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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