Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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