I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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