I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
