I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
