Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
