$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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