Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you win again, gameday.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
