Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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