I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
