so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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