the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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