I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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