Is it because I queefed?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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