Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize