If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
