i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's never too late to be topless.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
