I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
