Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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