I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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