Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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