when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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