So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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