So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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