sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
