walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
