I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I stole a fireplace last night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
