I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize