I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
