dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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