My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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