he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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