these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
