the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
