I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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