i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
