Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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