I think i peed on brittanys purse
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
