Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
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I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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