doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
