I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
