she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
